So after a break-up there are lots of things you have to give up because they’re too painful and loaded with memories. Certain songs, books, even items of clothing must be abstained from. Certain bars, cafes, street corners and even occasionally whole suburbs are off limits. Maybe someday you’ll get them back, but you gotta be patient. It sucks, but anyway the flip side of this coin is that you start to realise there are things you’re totally okay about keeping even after you let go of the person who introduced you to them.
Case in point: big, dumb movies, and the consumption of alcohol while laughing at said big dumb movies.
Seriously, I’m as pretentious as they come. And sure, it just started as an ironic hipster joke that simultaneously bought me cred as a tolerant girlfriend, to get hammered and sit through the bombastic likes of Wolverine, Terminator Salvation and that awful Transformers sequel. But there’s a spate of great movies coming out in the next few weeks, and the feeling I get from watching the trailers – a combination of excitement, and the urge to reach for the nearest three bottles of cheap red wine – tells me this obsession has gone beyone irony.
#1: Clash of the Titans
Epic sweeping pans? Check. Vague mythological references? Check. Very Loud Music Punctuating Extremely Obvious Taglines? Check and check. Plus, Sam Worthington in a breastplate. Oh, and GIANT SCORPIONS. Pass me that cleanskin and phone ahead my order for a bacon sandwich tomorrow morning, this is going to need a lot of booze to process.
#2: Kick Ass
And specifically, Hit Girl. Not sure that this will be dumb, but it will certainly be big. Nearly lost it when I saw this trailer cold. Mum: this involves a small girl dropping the C-bomb and decapitating people, so maybe skip this one.
#3: Iron Man 2
Jon Favreau made me cringe so much with his character in Swingers, but I forgive him every painful second of that answering machine message for making the Iron Man movies. I’m no comic buff but surely Iron Man is one of the all-time best adaptations, almost purely because of Robert Downey Jr’s charisma. These movies are at once winking at you about the general dumbness of Marvel action movies, and unabashedly reveling in the fun of excess.
Now is it too much to hope to recruit a partner in witty snark by the time these start coming out in April?